Dealing with Grief

I’m not always the strong person people think I am. There are times when I suddenly get depressed about the lost of our baby and the depression gets stronger when I see babies carried by their moms (mostly at the church we go to) or read blogs of new moms who are currently enjoying their newborns.

I have realized that dealing with grief is going to be lifetime for me. You know you’re in the process of overcoming it but somehow, it’s there to remind you of the loss every now and then. Even if you constantly assure yourself that you have lifted everything up to God, a lot of things and scenes around you would remind you of the loss. Even if you say you’ve recovered, somehow it’s still there.

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The Road to Healing

Time. Acceptance. Understanding. Faith. All of these things work together to pave the road to healing for the hubby and me. It’s been three months since we lost our first baby and yet whenever I think of it, it still feels like it just happened yesterday. Oh, sad memories. But I digress.

I’m happy to report that we’re recovering well. We chose to believe everything happens for a reason, that’s it’s not our time yet. We won’t lose hope, for sure. We will continue to dream and work it out. Trying to conceive won’t happen until after at least six months to a year (as advised by my Ob-Gyn), though. But as early as now, I’m already preparing my mind, heart and body for my next pregnancy. I know God will take care of the other and more important preparations.

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Grieving Takes Time

Grieving takes time because it’s an emotional process that requires a lot of positivity, energy and drive. The husband and I, though it can be said that we have quite moved on from the tragedy of losing our first baby, are still grieving within. We just continue to strengthen our faith in God so we could raise our hopes and dream again.

They say people who grieve can be hard to get along with at times. True. Sometimes I don’t wanna talk to anyone and prefer to be quiet in a corner. Instead of socializing, sometimes I prefer surfing the net looking for discount coupons, browsing shopping sites or even searching for auto lift deals. Anything to make me preoccupied and not think of what had transpired on that fateful day or the things that may have led to that.

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Pregnancy Memories

The whole idea of pregnancy never fails to amaze me. Definitely, it’s one miracle that only God can produce and only women like me can experience. I feel so lucky just thinking about it.

When I got pregnant for the first time early this year, I couldn’t believe it. I remember I even thought it was impossible because I had this feeling I was infertile or something. But I did get pregnant, though it ended miserably with us losing our first baby.

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A Source of Inspiration, Why Not?

Instead of succumbing to depression and grieving, the hubby and I have chosen to move on with our lives after the tragic loss of our first baby. I know it seems like it’s too early to say this, or that it’s not too easy to believe, but we have made a choice and are sticking to it.

Our angel in heaven is gonna be our source of inspiration so we could be stronger and better versions of ourselves. As early as now, I have already set our first goal. That is, to manage our weight. Funny, but true.

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