First of Many

One year ago today, the hubby and I experienced indescribable pain for the very first time. It was our first tragedy as a married couple. The reason? We lost our first baby. It’s the kind of pain that lingers with you even after the event has long passed. It’s the kind of pain that haunts you all the time. The sadness remains with you, deep inside your heart.

You can move on, alright, and let go of all the negative feelings. Yes, you can have your new normal, too. But the memories of that fateful day will stay in your head until you die. It’s ironic and somewhat funny because death was the cause and yet it’s also the one that’s gonna end it all, someday.

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Dealing with Grief

I’m not always the strong person people think I am. There are times when I suddenly get depressed about the lost of our baby and the depression gets stronger when I see babies carried by their moms (mostly at the church we go to) or read blogs of new moms who are currently enjoying their newborns.

I have realized that dealing with grief is going to be lifetime for me. You know you’re in the process of overcoming it but somehow, it’s there to remind you of the loss every now and then. Even if you constantly assure yourself that you have lifted everything up to God, a lot of things and scenes around you would remind you of the loss. Even if you say you’ve recovered, somehow it’s still there.

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