Envy is my frenemy.

I have a love-hate relationship with envy. Sometimes, I love being envious because it motivates me to be competitive. Other times, I hate being envious because it makes me feel inferior and lacking. Envy can unleash my hidden strengths and at the same time, uncover my insecurities in an instant. Nakakaloka, diba? But then, I realized that envy is as natural as the air I breathe and the food I eat (wow, that rhymes!). It’s been there since time immemorial. I should just know how to manage my envy and I’ll be fine. No need to live in a cave to escape from it. No need to overreact or something.

Image Source: http://expressivevoicedynamics.com/category/envy/

Because 12 is my birthday number, here are 12 things I remind myself of whenever I feel envious of other people:

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Intention to Please

I was reading several pages of a Bo Sanchez e-book titled “How to Conquer your Goliaths” last night and from there, I found out he got molested as a child. He mentioned that this sad event left him with a wounded heart and to fill that gaping wound, he felt that he needed everyone to like him. For years, he only had the intention to please other people. God has healed him eventually but he admitted “this weakness rears its ugly head every once in a while.”

But I’m not here to talk about child molestation or its long-term effects. I just thought about how many of us, molested or not, tend to please everybody. It’s as if we automatically got this intention to please the moment we were born. Worse, it’s as if our life depended on other people’s approval or good impression of us.

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Fear of the Unknown

I just sent a private email to an undisclosed recipient in the hope that by doing so, I’d be able to face my fear. Yes, I get to experience fear of the unknown occasionally. No matter how much I have prepared for something, no matter how much positive thinking I apply, I still get the ‘shivers’ each time I try to visualize the outcome of things. I always get scared to know the truth because most of the time, truth hurts.

No, this isn’t about my relationship with the boyfriend. We’re okay and happy together. This is about a decision I made last year that has not gotten results yet. I’m getting more and more nervous and anxious already. That’s why I mustered enough courage to do the right thing, and that was to get my message across. Hopefully, the unknown gets to have a face in the coming days. I am definitely looking forward to look it in the eye. By that time, I am certain I’ll get my much-needed peace of mind.

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