my life, my joy, my dreams
It’s a brand new year and what better way to welcome it than by figuring out how I could make the most of my life. It seems that I don’t run out of things to try and explore. If only I have a lot of time in my hands then for sure, I’d be more productive.
Actually, there’s a lot of things running through my head right now. Sometimes I feel like my mind is exploding. If only I could process my thoughts as fast as a microsoft pos system process sales, then maybe it will be easier for me.
Grieving takes time because it’s an emotional process that requires a lot of positivity, energy and drive. The husband and I, though it can be said that we have quite moved on from the tragedy of losing our first baby, are still grieving within. We just continue to strengthen our faith in God so we could raise our hopes and dream again.
They say people who grieve can be hard to get along with at times. True. Sometimes I don’t wanna talk to anyone and prefer to be quiet in a corner. Instead of socializing, sometimes I prefer surfing the net looking for discount coupons, browsing shopping sites or even searching for auto lift deals. Anything to make me preoccupied and not think of what had transpired on that fateful day or the things that may have led to that.
My November has started quite alright. On the first day, which is the day of all saints here in the Philippines, the husband and I were visited by our families and we celebrated together. We partook of a nice meal came dinnertime and offered prayers for our departed loved ones in the late evening.
Our shoebox of a house in Cavite became the overnight sanctuary of ten people. You can just imagine how crazy it had been but we survived, we even had so much fun doing things together. It was like a great bonding activity for all of us. I wouldn’t mind having our families around in our humble abode during occasions like this.
Prior to my pregnancy, I had so many things going on in my mind. You see, I just got married a few months ago. I had domestic skills but thought it wasn’t enough to please my husband when we’d start to finally live together under one roof. I wanted to be a good wife.
I also wanted things for myself, for my growth as a person. I wanted to get an MA degree or take up law. I wanted to get into sewing and other crafts. I even wanted to grow my entrepreneurial skills by putting up a retail shop and visiting mfried.com for retail store fixtures. You know, things that a lot of women normally want for themselves.
Have you ever experienced having the need to prove yourself to people? I have, and I’ve come to realize that when you believe in yourself and your capabilities, proving yourself to people becomes an easy task.
In a world where success and money matter more than one’s endearing traits, the need to prove your worth becomes more of a daily challenge than merely an assurance that you deserve whatever achievement or recognition you have under your belt.
I don’t know if I should be happy or sad about this. Happy, because it means my metabolism is improving. Sad, because after exerting so much little effort in losing weight, I got stuck at 130 lbs. I know, it’s all my fault. I should’ve eaten less when I could.
My big day is just a month away. And I’m weighing 130 lbs. Imagine that. When I looked at my face in the mirror this morning and smiled a bit, I saw a girl in her late 20’s with full cheeks and a double chin. For some reason, my skin also looked quite dry. I need to do something about this. I know I do.
Continue reading “Stuck at 130”